Monday, February 16, 2009
Update-Wall Paper Borders and Temper Tantrums
I am pleased to report that as of last night, the wall paper LOST it's battle....It's up! Praise God!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Approval of Others
At almost 36 years old, I still seek the approval of others....I NEED it. I asked someone close to me what she thought about my blog and her response was, "I don't ever read it. I don't have time." Wow...Well, I know for a fact she spends countless hours on the computer playing computer games, but yet she does not have time. My response was a meek "Oh OK." Her complete lack of regard for something that expresses who I am and what I am thinking is something that has plagued me my whole life. It's says to me, I don't have time for you or anything that concerns you because my games are more important. It screams "YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT."
So why should I care? Seriously, that's one person who doesn't care when I have plenty that do care. I have Dori to edify me and encourage me (and she is the world's GREATEST cheerleader!!!); I have Jeff whom I go to for advice (and computer help) that I would go to my father for; I have Chrissie who listens for hours on end about things that bother me from my past. Those are just three people who show me on a daily basis that they do care. So WHY would I care about that one? It's just something in me that I can't explain. Could it be my past, my childhood? Maybe. Could it be that's just my emotional make up? Who knows? I know it's most likely a character flaw.
There's just that one...The one that I jump through hoops to please, the one I wish would treat me like I meant something to her....Just that one....
As I was writing this, I was unsure where it was all going as I am most of the times I start my blogs....So when I started writing this, I wasn't sure where I was going. About half way through the second paragraph, I figured it out. So here's the wrap up....
God doesn't need our approval and He has plenty of people who follow Him,so why does He care about that one...The one who turns their back on Him, the one who believes He doesn't exist or the one who thinks he's too far gone for God to ever want him. But that's not who God is. He doesn't need approval like I do, but He desires for us to have fellowship with Him...No matter what our past looks like. So, now at this very moment, I realize that I have treated God the same way this person has treated me. I have said "I don't have time for you, God. I am much to busy doing __________ to read the Bible. To go to church. To pray. To thank you for my life, my child, my this, my that." Kinda feels like a 2x4 to the stomach. I'm not that person anymore and I haven't been in awhile. Am I praying enough? Am I spending enough time in my Bible? Am I doing enough to further His kingdom and not mine? In my opinion, there is never enough time or effort spent doing any of those things, but I am doing a lot better than I was this time last year.
People can change and I am proof of that. I am so thankful that God never let go of me. Looking back at the way I treated God, I am ashamed of how I spent the first 34 years of my life, but God never gave up on me. And I will never give up on her.
So why should I care? Seriously, that's one person who doesn't care when I have plenty that do care. I have Dori to edify me and encourage me (and she is the world's GREATEST cheerleader!!!); I have Jeff whom I go to for advice (and computer help) that I would go to my father for; I have Chrissie who listens for hours on end about things that bother me from my past. Those are just three people who show me on a daily basis that they do care. So WHY would I care about that one? It's just something in me that I can't explain. Could it be my past, my childhood? Maybe. Could it be that's just my emotional make up? Who knows? I know it's most likely a character flaw.
There's just that one...The one that I jump through hoops to please, the one I wish would treat me like I meant something to her....Just that one....
As I was writing this, I was unsure where it was all going as I am most of the times I start my blogs....So when I started writing this, I wasn't sure where I was going. About half way through the second paragraph, I figured it out. So here's the wrap up....
God doesn't need our approval and He has plenty of people who follow Him,so why does He care about that one...The one who turns their back on Him, the one who believes He doesn't exist or the one who thinks he's too far gone for God to ever want him. But that's not who God is. He doesn't need approval like I do, but He desires for us to have fellowship with Him...No matter what our past looks like. So, now at this very moment, I realize that I have treated God the same way this person has treated me. I have said "I don't have time for you, God. I am much to busy doing __________ to read the Bible. To go to church. To pray. To thank you for my life, my child, my this, my that." Kinda feels like a 2x4 to the stomach. I'm not that person anymore and I haven't been in awhile. Am I praying enough? Am I spending enough time in my Bible? Am I doing enough to further His kingdom and not mine? In my opinion, there is never enough time or effort spent doing any of those things, but I am doing a lot better than I was this time last year.
People can change and I am proof of that. I am so thankful that God never let go of me. Looking back at the way I treated God, I am ashamed of how I spent the first 34 years of my life, but God never gave up on me. And I will never give up on her.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Game, Set and Match
One day while watching Court TV (or TruTV as they call it now), there was a show on that was about a man who had committed a crime. A crime where he left biological evidence...Yep, he left is DNA. Off to the crime lab it went so that a DNA profile could be extracted and at some point if the police made an arrest, it would either confirm or exclude the suspect. I wasn't really paying a lot of attention as my notebook on how to commit a crime and not get caught is now completed and needs no further details. I just had it on for background noise. Any way, the police made an arrest and submitted the suspects DNA sample to compare with the DNA profile of the perpetrator. Well, guess what...It came back that the suspect in custody was indeed the suspect who left the DNA sample. I'm sure you're wondering where in the world this is all going...Here's where it is going....The odds of someone else sharing the same DNA profile was 1 in 1 TRILLION...Yes, I said TRILLION...Can you believe that....You have WAY better odds of winning the lottery. As I researched what on earth could have those same odds, I came across the following.
The odds are one in a trillion:
The earth will be sucked into a black hole and destroyed
That American Somoa will win the 2010 World Cup
That you will be hurt by so called "space junk" re-entering the earth's atmosphere
You have a MUCH MUCH better chance of being struck by lightening six times in your life. So why the stats? As of March 2009, the world's population is ESTIMATED to be 6.8 billion people (according to my favorite scientist/biologist, Dori Jones). Hopefully, this is coming together for you....If it's not, then let me help.
If there are only 6.8 BILLION people on earth and one person's DNA profile will exist in one of one trillion people....Explain to me again how the Theory of Evolution is possible. From a mathematical standpoint, I would say that it is mathematically impossible. Only GOD could make something so intricate...We didn't evolve as the world wants our children to believe. We were created by God. That is the only explanation that is plausible. Science can't explain away the DNA as much as they may like to, so they choose to ignore it. There's a whole school of thinking that says if we can't include it to make our theory stronger, we'll just ignore it and maybe people will be too stupid to figure it out on their own. Well, they weren't prepared for me and Court TV.
If you ever have any doubts about your CREATION, just remember....1 in 1 TRILLION. That's game, set and match...God.
The odds are one in a trillion:
The earth will be sucked into a black hole and destroyed
That American Somoa will win the 2010 World Cup
That you will be hurt by so called "space junk" re-entering the earth's atmosphere
You have a MUCH MUCH better chance of being struck by lightening six times in your life. So why the stats? As of March 2009, the world's population is ESTIMATED to be 6.8 billion people (according to my favorite scientist/biologist, Dori Jones). Hopefully, this is coming together for you....If it's not, then let me help.
If there are only 6.8 BILLION people on earth and one person's DNA profile will exist in one of one trillion people....Explain to me again how the Theory of Evolution is possible. From a mathematical standpoint, I would say that it is mathematically impossible. Only GOD could make something so intricate...We didn't evolve as the world wants our children to believe. We were created by God. That is the only explanation that is plausible. Science can't explain away the DNA as much as they may like to, so they choose to ignore it. There's a whole school of thinking that says if we can't include it to make our theory stronger, we'll just ignore it and maybe people will be too stupid to figure it out on their own. Well, they weren't prepared for me and Court TV.
If you ever have any doubts about your CREATION, just remember....1 in 1 TRILLION. That's game, set and match...God.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Taking A Walk Down Memory Lane
Today I took a walk down memory lane....Not the kind of walk where you drag out your yearbooks and remember the glory days....I literally walked....Tonight I attended the Heart of Hope Banquet (www.heartofhopeministry.com) at the school where most of my early childhood was spent. The old Grawood Christian School. It's dilapidated and falling apart. To most it would look perfect for the wrecking ball. It's ceilings are falling down, most of the windows have been shattered by vandals. People would look at it and see it as nothing more than a dump. I look at it and I remember the hours spent walking those halls. I see the football field I cheered on as a junior high cheerleader. I could still see Mrs. Mathis in the office behind the desk. I could see Mrs. McLaughlin teaching in the back classroom. I remembered the water fountain; the gym; where seventh grade homeroom was. It was like stepping back in time only the building is run down and in need of some serious renovations. As Shelly, Dennis and I walked the halls, I couldn't help but think, that's how the world used to see me. Run down in need of a lot of repairs. Most people would look at this building, like they looked at me, and see no hope....But not God.
He looked at this building, much like He looks at us. He sees hope where the world sees none. With patience, love and gentleness He rebuilds us, just like the Board of Directors looks at Grawood and sees hope. They are taking a building that is virtually on it's knees; they are wiping away the ugliness, the damage and the filth and are turning into a beacon for those who feel there is no hope. By the end of this year, Grawood will be a home where girls who are pregnant can come to make what will most likely be the most difficult choice of their young lives. Be a parent or be a birth mother. If they choose to be a parent, they will be equipped with the proper tools to raise their child. If they choose to place their child up for adoption, they will be guided down that path. Either way, Grawood will now take on a new role. A role that will glorify God with it's new roof, new paint and new renovations. Much like what happens to us after we accept the gift of salvation.
While we have no idea who will walk those halls and find hope again, we can know one thing for sure. We've all been like Grawood....We've all experienced what the hope we find in God can do. It can take a life or a building that is falling apart; turn it around and use us and it for His glory.
He looked at this building, much like He looks at us. He sees hope where the world sees none. With patience, love and gentleness He rebuilds us, just like the Board of Directors looks at Grawood and sees hope. They are taking a building that is virtually on it's knees; they are wiping away the ugliness, the damage and the filth and are turning into a beacon for those who feel there is no hope. By the end of this year, Grawood will be a home where girls who are pregnant can come to make what will most likely be the most difficult choice of their young lives. Be a parent or be a birth mother. If they choose to be a parent, they will be equipped with the proper tools to raise their child. If they choose to place their child up for adoption, they will be guided down that path. Either way, Grawood will now take on a new role. A role that will glorify God with it's new roof, new paint and new renovations. Much like what happens to us after we accept the gift of salvation.
While we have no idea who will walk those halls and find hope again, we can know one thing for sure. We've all been like Grawood....We've all experienced what the hope we find in God can do. It can take a life or a building that is falling apart; turn it around and use us and it for His glory.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Storms of Life
EARLY this morning, a storm blew through (and yes, Dori, I was on storm duty)....The wind was raging and it sounded as if the trees were going to come through the roof just over my bedroom....The thunder rolled, the wind howled and the rain came down in sheets. It was rough....For about fifteen minutes.
We all go through storms in life...Most of them last longer than fifteen minutes...Some are fifteen weeks, fifteen months or fifteen years; some are even longer. So why can't the storms of life move through our lives at fifty miles an hour? Because if we had fifteen minutes of storms, most of us wouldn't learn much, if anything. Storms strengthen us and educate us. They build character, but more importantly, they build dependence on God. Troubles rage, worries howl and we hold our breath and wait for them to blow over, but really we are cultivating our trust in God.
God is our Father. Although I have no experience at being a father, I have experience at being a mother and I know that I would never do anything to bring harm to my child. I discipline her because I love her. I allow the doctor to give her shots. Though those things are painful to her, it is for her own good. Well, how much more must God love me than I love Savannah? Infinite amounts more. So even though the storms of life rage around me, I have the most Divine Protector who is standing there holding the umbrella.
I've always said that God uses adversity to get our attention....Our free will determines whether or not He keeps it.
We all go through storms in life...Most of them last longer than fifteen minutes...Some are fifteen weeks, fifteen months or fifteen years; some are even longer. So why can't the storms of life move through our lives at fifty miles an hour? Because if we had fifteen minutes of storms, most of us wouldn't learn much, if anything. Storms strengthen us and educate us. They build character, but more importantly, they build dependence on God. Troubles rage, worries howl and we hold our breath and wait for them to blow over, but really we are cultivating our trust in God.
God is our Father. Although I have no experience at being a father, I have experience at being a mother and I know that I would never do anything to bring harm to my child. I discipline her because I love her. I allow the doctor to give her shots. Though those things are painful to her, it is for her own good. Well, how much more must God love me than I love Savannah? Infinite amounts more. So even though the storms of life rage around me, I have the most Divine Protector who is standing there holding the umbrella.
I've always said that God uses adversity to get our attention....Our free will determines whether or not He keeps it.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
God Whispering In My Ear
"Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?" Casting Crowns is my FAVORITE band. I absolutely love them. Their songs grab my heart and turn it upside down, inside out and every which way but loose. Their songs speak to me as if it was God whispering in my ear. That's a pretty strong statement, but an honest one. Of all the songs that Casting Crowns sings, "Who Am I" seemed the most appropriate for my blog.
Why would the Maker of Heaven want to know anything about me? Why would He care to listen to me when I pray? Why would He even consider blessing me with such an amazing Christian family (I'm not referring to the DNA kind)? Those are a few of a million questions that I have and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
It all goes back to the God chose me....I didn't choose Him, at least not at first. I chose my way, my friends, my boyfriend, everything except Him. What amazes me every day is that He does care to know my name, He cares to know my hopes, dreams, successes, failures, hurts and how many hairs I have on my head....Keeping up with that is a full time job by itself because I lose enough hair to make a wig every day.
God knows my name, He feels my hurt, He holds all of my tears in His hand. In spite of the vast number of my imperfections, He still wants to be with me. He still loves me. Wow. Who am I that the Lord of ALL the earth would care to know my name? I am His child... An heir to His kingdom.
Why would the Maker of Heaven want to know anything about me? Why would He care to listen to me when I pray? Why would He even consider blessing me with such an amazing Christian family (I'm not referring to the DNA kind)? Those are a few of a million questions that I have and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
It all goes back to the God chose me....I didn't choose Him, at least not at first. I chose my way, my friends, my boyfriend, everything except Him. What amazes me every day is that He does care to know my name, He cares to know my hopes, dreams, successes, failures, hurts and how many hairs I have on my head....Keeping up with that is a full time job by itself because I lose enough hair to make a wig every day.
God knows my name, He feels my hurt, He holds all of my tears in His hand. In spite of the vast number of my imperfections, He still wants to be with me. He still loves me. Wow. Who am I that the Lord of ALL the earth would care to know my name? I am His child... An heir to His kingdom.
Wall Paper Borders and Temper Tantrums
It's remarkable the stupid things that infuriate me and when I say stupid, I am not kidding. "I WILL NOT let this defeat me!" I told Dori this morning. Seriously? I am in a war with wallpaper? Yep. I sure am. Wanna know how it is going? The wallpaper is winning. Care to know why? Because I am letting it. Sound stupid? It is.
It's all about an inanimate object gaining control over me...Something that will not matter in six months...Most likely Dori and I will be laughing about it by then, but right now, there is NOTHING funny about it. That's kind of like most of the things that get us stressed, mad, or wreck our days. There's nothing funny about it then, but in a few days or weeks, we laugh at how stupid it was or can't even remember what made us so angry.
There's a lesson there....One that I'm too slow to get because I keep repeating the same lesson over and over and over and well, you get the point. God is using wallpaper to show me something today. I'm getting angry about wallpaper not cooperating...Sounds very adult like doesn't it? Not really. It's God telling me, slow down, it will get done and you need to enjoy this. Enjoy putting wallpaper up? God has a sense of humor...I firmly believe that.
So why should I enjoy putting up wallpaper? I'm GLAD you asked.
Today, I'm going to be thankful that I have a bedroom in a home to decorate for a child that doctors said would never exist. A beautiful, bright, healthy and happy child. One who thinks the most awesome thing in the world is that her Mommy is making her room pretty by putting up a pink, fuchsia and lime green border around the top of the wall. The child I'd cried many tears over because she would never be here. So instead of treating wallpaper like a chore, I'm going to treat it like it's a blessing...While the wallpaper itself is not the blessing, the precious four year old who picked it out most certainly is.
Yesterday, I mentioned that God answered my prayers in His time and that the blessing was far greater than I had ever dreamed. Today He showed me that HE is greater than my wildest dreams. So if you're wondering, NO, the wallpaper will not defeat me. It will be done. Not today like I planned, maybe not tomorrow either, but it will be done. Instead, I'm going to sing a little song, say thank you for the blessing of Savannah and take my time....One day, I'll wish that I had this day back and the sweet little four year old so I could decorate a room to make her smile. Every day, in the smallest little ways, God shows us glimpses of Himself. Sometimes that glimpse is even in wallpaper paper borders and temper tantrums.
It's all about an inanimate object gaining control over me...Something that will not matter in six months...Most likely Dori and I will be laughing about it by then, but right now, there is NOTHING funny about it. That's kind of like most of the things that get us stressed, mad, or wreck our days. There's nothing funny about it then, but in a few days or weeks, we laugh at how stupid it was or can't even remember what made us so angry.
There's a lesson there....One that I'm too slow to get because I keep repeating the same lesson over and over and over and well, you get the point. God is using wallpaper to show me something today. I'm getting angry about wallpaper not cooperating...Sounds very adult like doesn't it? Not really. It's God telling me, slow down, it will get done and you need to enjoy this. Enjoy putting wallpaper up? God has a sense of humor...I firmly believe that.
So why should I enjoy putting up wallpaper? I'm GLAD you asked.
Today, I'm going to be thankful that I have a bedroom in a home to decorate for a child that doctors said would never exist. A beautiful, bright, healthy and happy child. One who thinks the most awesome thing in the world is that her Mommy is making her room pretty by putting up a pink, fuchsia and lime green border around the top of the wall. The child I'd cried many tears over because she would never be here. So instead of treating wallpaper like a chore, I'm going to treat it like it's a blessing...While the wallpaper itself is not the blessing, the precious four year old who picked it out most certainly is.
Yesterday, I mentioned that God answered my prayers in His time and that the blessing was far greater than I had ever dreamed. Today He showed me that HE is greater than my wildest dreams. So if you're wondering, NO, the wallpaper will not defeat me. It will be done. Not today like I planned, maybe not tomorrow either, but it will be done. Instead, I'm going to sing a little song, say thank you for the blessing of Savannah and take my time....One day, I'll wish that I had this day back and the sweet little four year old so I could decorate a room to make her smile. Every day, in the smallest little ways, God shows us glimpses of Himself. Sometimes that glimpse is even in wallpaper paper borders and temper tantrums.
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