As Easter approaches, it is full of mixed emotions for me. Good Friday is on April 10 this year which is an important date for me personally. A very heartbreaking day...A day that has changed the whole course of my life. My grandfather died. It's been 14 years, but it feels like it's only been 14 hours most of the time. The pain is unbelievably real and it's still there. I've always heard that time heals all wounds, but not this one.

My Grandfather was a phenomenal person. He was well known all over town. You can't find someone from his generation or the one before or after his that doesn't know him, hasn't danced to his music (he used to be the leader of a big band) or been touched by his work with the Shriner's Hospital for Crippled Children (he was a Potentate, the highest honor a Shiner can have). He was amazing. My best memories as a child include him. I was talking to Chris yesterday about this little dump he used to take me to from the time I was 3 until the day he couldn't travel anymore. By the looks of this place you would have thought he was the most poor person on earth, but he wasn't, he just loved this place. I caught my first fish there on Lake Ouchita with my Snoopy rod and reel. I guess he's where my love of all things fishing come from. He took me to the finest restaurants in town and pretty much everywhere he went. He lived two doors down for most of my life and when we were waiting for the bus, he would stand in his yard in boxers and a tshirt dancing...It was hilarious. He was the greatest man I ever knew. He loved me...ALWAYS and he was the only one.

The day he died, I died. My heart was broken into 100 million pieces and even today it is still missing a few. I find it ironic that he is sharing the date of his death with Jesus this year. It's almost as if God is letting me know in His most gracious way, that although my heart still aches, still wishes that just ONCE Grandpa could hold my child, all is not lost. We will meet again and when we do, he will not be suffering, gasping for his every breath. Although I hated God when my grandfather died (and told Him so many times), God is still being gracious and merciful enough to let me know that Grandpa died a physical death, but he is alive and well in Heaven with my Jesus waiting to meet me there. So this year as I reflect on the solemness of the day my Savior died and the anniversary of my grandfather's death, I can be reminded that both have risen thanks to a Man who loved me enough to die an agonizing death, for someone who hated all He stood for the day my grandfather died, so that I may be reunited with Him and my grandfather one day. Praise the Lord for His grace, mercy and UNCONDITIONAL love.

God Saying Hi

I love butterflies. If you've ever seen a caterpillar you know there's a miracle in every one of them. A caterpillar is not terribly ugly or maybe they are so ugly they are cute, I'm not sure. One thing that is for sure is that there is an amazing transformation in the cocoon and if that's not a miracle, then I don't know what is.

My love of butterflies started when I worked at the funeral home. As you can imagine, there aren't a lot of "good" days when you work in a funeral home. Every day you are reminded of the imminence of death (for those who aren't saved that a scary reminder) and deal with people's grief and agony over the loss of a loved one. After awhile, you either become numb to the misery or get comfortable in it...I'm not sure which and it's probably both. Anyway, it seemed like on the worst days of my time there, I'd always see a butterfly. I'm no butterfly expert, but it was always a black (or really dark blue) butterfly with a bright blue spot on each wing...It was gorgeous. I do not recall having noticed this type of butterfly prior to working at the funeral home. It always lingered a few minutes by my window like it was reminding me there WAS still beauty in the world in spite of the misery around me. It was God's way of saying "Hi."

Now that I'm a mommy, I tell Savannah when she sees a butterfly, that's God's way of saying hi. She seems to love that, because every time she sees a butterfly, I hear a joyous, giggling child say "Hi God!" It's the most wonderful sound in the world to me and I hope it's as wonderful to Him. Yesterday, while driving home, I saw a butterfly and thought "Hi God." That's when I began to think about the transformation that we undergo when we accept Christ.

It amazes me that an ugly caterpillar goes to sleep and wakes up a breathtaking butterfly. It's symbolic of how God transforms us once we receive His Son. We are transformed into a thing of beauty. Our outer appearance may not change, but our inner appearance does. We get rid of our old lives and habits and trade them in for new life in Christ and Christ like habits. We become beautiful just like the butterfly that always reminds me that God is saying "Hi."

Meeting Terry Scroggins...

My heart was about to beat out of my chest...I KNEW he was there...I knew it! I had made a split second decision knowing that this would most likely be my once in a lifetime opportunity. As we walked in my heart pounded harder....Could it be that he was here? What if I'd made the wrong decision and he wasn't? I would regret it for a LONG time....Maybe for the rest of my life...I might not ever get this opportunity again.....

There he was....I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! Just a few feet in front of me standing there smiling...I grabbed Amy's arm so tight I almost hurt her..."IT'S HIM! IT'S HIM!!!" I couldn't believe it....less than 25 feet in front of us was Terry Scroggins...My most FAVORITE Bassmaster Angler....I had actually made the right decision....He was there! I'd anticipated this moment for over a year and a half and it all boiled down to this final moment....He was right in front of us....My heart was REALLY racing and I couldn't think of anything but the words I had wanted to say to him for about the last five years.

I walked up to him moved mostly by adrenaline and said "Terry Scroggins, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!" Those were the words that everyone who knew me, knew I was going to say, I'd played them over and over in my mind a thousand time over the last two weeks. He was awesome! He was very kind and he was very pretty!!! He took a couple of pictures with me....As we were walking away, I was shaking I was so excited...My year was complete!

I almost died trying to dial the phone to tell Dori and Chrissie...Of course neither one of them answered and I was about to DIE to tell them I had finally done it...I'd met Terry Scroggins. Finally Amy got in touch with Dori (who had chosen to go out of town rather than share one of the most exciting moments of my life with me, but I forgive her) and the first thing I could say "I was close enough to him to smell his breath!!!!" I probably talked a million miles an hour telling her how excited I was, how awesome he was and how good he smelled. She was polite and listened to all of it. It was the best day of my life.

Amy and I walked around for a long time. We saw all my fishing heroes: Gerald Swindle, Ish Monroe, Fred Roumbanis and Chris Lane....We even saw Kevin Van Dam (for those of you who don't know him, he's the Michael Jordan, Emmit Smith of Bassmasters). They were all great, but nothing compared to Terry Scroggins. Amy witnessed my reactions to all of them and she'll tell you that I was WAY excited to meet Terry.

On the way home, Amy and I talked about how cool it was to just be able to walk up to them and talk to them, take pictures with them and how much fun the event had been. After I dropped her off, I began to think....

If I get that excited over Terry Scroggins, who most of you reading this (unless you know me very well) have no clue who I am talking about....How much more excited will I be when I meet Jesus face to face....Talk about shaking with excitement. All I've talked about for almost two weeks is the Bassmaster Classic, what I probably should have been talking about is how awesome it will be to meet Jesus...While there is nothing wrong about meeting someone and being excited about it, I think we all tend to forget one thing...Although meeting Terry Scroggins wasn't a guarantee when I left home this afternoon, meeting Jesus is guarantee for ALL of us. Will you run up and say "Jesus, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!" Or will you hide in shame because you never took the time to meet Him?

Hope

Today I was once again confronted with the fact that God does things in His time and not mine....It's a really bitter pill to swallow when it involves someone that you love and their salvation. We all know that tomorrow is not a guarantee and when you are speaking of someone's eternity that is a hard reality to contemplate.



When you pray for someone's salvation, you're never guaranteed that you will receive the answer you pray for. It is in God's will that we all know Him and accept His gift of salvation, but there's that little thing called free will that trips us all up, believers and non-believers. When you love someone you want only the best for them and part of that, as a Christian, is for them to share in the rewards of God's kingdom, but when that person turns away time and again, I begin to wonder. Am I like a dog chasing my tail? Things keep popping in my head about God hardening Pharaoh's heart. Is that's what is going on here? Is this person too far gone that they will never be able to change.



I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that...As I said tonight "MY Bible says with God ALL things are possible, not SOME things and not a FEW things....ALL things." I just can't give up the hope that God CAN change things because He can change ANYTHING. He's God....There's just that small problem of free will...One of my favorite examples of this is from my FAVORITE Veggie Tales movie called "A Snoodles Tale." Toward the end of the story, the little Snoodle is visiting what one could presume is God. The poor little Snoodle has been trashed and stomped on by everyone around him for a variety of reasons and he's hurt and feels like no one cares....Any way there is an exchange between the Snoodle and "God." "God" tells the Snoodle that "A gift that's demanded is no gift at all." If God gives us the gift of eternal life and then requires that we take it, it has ceased being a gift, and instead has become a demand. The cold reality of it all is that some people will take it and some people won't. It all goes back to free will.



While I love this person and will continue to pray for their salvation, I cannot force them to be saved anymore than God can. This is something that is out of my hands. I will continue to pray and continue to hope that one day they will be transformed and made into the person that God wants them to be....Until then all I can do is pray and hope.

Update-Wall Paper Borders and Temper Tantrums

I am pleased to report that as of last night, the wall paper LOST it's battle....It's up! Praise God!

The Approval of Others

At almost 36 years old, I still seek the approval of others....I NEED it. I asked someone close to me what she thought about my blog and her response was, "I don't ever read it. I don't have time." Wow...Well, I know for a fact she spends countless hours on the computer playing computer games, but yet she does not have time. My response was a meek "Oh OK." Her complete lack of regard for something that expresses who I am and what I am thinking is something that has plagued me my whole life. It's says to me, I don't have time for you or anything that concerns you because my games are more important. It screams "YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT."

So why should I care? Seriously, that's one person who doesn't care when I have plenty that do care. I have Dori to edify me and encourage me (and she is the world's GREATEST cheerleader!!!); I have Jeff whom I go to for advice (and computer help) that I would go to my father for; I have Chrissie who listens for hours on end about things that bother me from my past. Those are just three people who show me on a daily basis that they do care. So WHY would I care about that one? It's just something in me that I can't explain. Could it be my past, my childhood? Maybe. Could it be that's just my emotional make up? Who knows? I know it's most likely a character flaw.

There's just that one...The one that I jump through hoops to please, the one I wish would treat me like I meant something to her....Just that one....

As I was writing this, I was unsure where it was all going as I am most of the times I start my blogs....So when I started writing this, I wasn't sure where I was going. About half way through the second paragraph, I figured it out. So here's the wrap up....

God doesn't need our approval and He has plenty of people who follow Him,so why does He care about that one...The one who turns their back on Him, the one who believes He doesn't exist or the one who thinks he's too far gone for God to ever want him. But that's not who God is. He doesn't need approval like I do, but He desires for us to have fellowship with Him...No matter what our past looks like. So, now at this very moment, I realize that I have treated God the same way this person has treated me. I have said "I don't have time for you, God. I am much to busy doing __________ to read the Bible. To go to church. To pray. To thank you for my life, my child, my this, my that." Kinda feels like a 2x4 to the stomach. I'm not that person anymore and I haven't been in awhile. Am I praying enough? Am I spending enough time in my Bible? Am I doing enough to further His kingdom and not mine? In my opinion, there is never enough time or effort spent doing any of those things, but I am doing a lot better than I was this time last year.

People can change and I am proof of that. I am so thankful that God never let go of me. Looking back at the way I treated God, I am ashamed of how I spent the first 34 years of my life, but God never gave up on me. And I will never give up on her.

Game, Set and Match

One day while watching Court TV (or TruTV as they call it now), there was a show on that was about a man who had committed a crime. A crime where he left biological evidence...Yep, he left is DNA. Off to the crime lab it went so that a DNA profile could be extracted and at some point if the police made an arrest, it would either confirm or exclude the suspect. I wasn't really paying a lot of attention as my notebook on how to commit a crime and not get caught is now completed and needs no further details. I just had it on for background noise. Any way, the police made an arrest and submitted the suspects DNA sample to compare with the DNA profile of the perpetrator. Well, guess what...It came back that the suspect in custody was indeed the suspect who left the DNA sample. I'm sure you're wondering where in the world this is all going...Here's where it is going....The odds of someone else sharing the same DNA profile was 1 in 1 TRILLION...Yes, I said TRILLION...Can you believe that....You have WAY better odds of winning the lottery. As I researched what on earth could have those same odds, I came across the following.

The odds are one in a trillion:

The earth will be sucked into a black hole and destroyed

That American Somoa will win the 2010 World Cup

That you will be hurt by so called "space junk" re-entering the earth's atmosphere

You have a MUCH MUCH better chance of being struck by lightening six times in your life. So why the stats? As of March 2009, the world's population is ESTIMATED to be 6.8 billion people (according to my favorite scientist/biologist, Dori Jones). Hopefully, this is coming together for you....If it's not, then let me help.

If there are only 6.8 BILLION people on earth and one person's DNA profile will exist in one of one trillion people....Explain to me again how the Theory of Evolution is possible. From a mathematical standpoint, I would say that it is mathematically impossible. Only GOD could make something so intricate...We didn't evolve as the world wants our children to believe. We were created by God. That is the only explanation that is plausible. Science can't explain away the DNA as much as they may like to, so they choose to ignore it. There's a whole school of thinking that says if we can't include it to make our theory stronger, we'll just ignore it and maybe people will be too stupid to figure it out on their own. Well, they weren't prepared for me and Court TV.

If you ever have any doubts about your CREATION, just remember....1 in 1 TRILLION. That's game, set and match...God.

Taking A Walk Down Memory Lane

Today I took a walk down memory lane....Not the kind of walk where you drag out your yearbooks and remember the glory days....I literally walked....Tonight I attended the Heart of Hope Banquet (www.heartofhopeministry.com) at the school where most of my early childhood was spent. The old Grawood Christian School. It's dilapidated and falling apart. To most it would look perfect for the wrecking ball. It's ceilings are falling down, most of the windows have been shattered by vandals. People would look at it and see it as nothing more than a dump. I look at it and I remember the hours spent walking those halls. I see the football field I cheered on as a junior high cheerleader. I could still see Mrs. Mathis in the office behind the desk. I could see Mrs. McLaughlin teaching in the back classroom. I remembered the water fountain; the gym; where seventh grade homeroom was. It was like stepping back in time only the building is run down and in need of some serious renovations. As Shelly, Dennis and I walked the halls, I couldn't help but think, that's how the world used to see me. Run down in need of a lot of repairs. Most people would look at this building, like they looked at me, and see no hope....But not God.

He looked at this building, much like He looks at us. He sees hope where the world sees none. With patience, love and gentleness He rebuilds us, just like the Board of Directors looks at Grawood and sees hope. They are taking a building that is virtually on it's knees; they are wiping away the ugliness, the damage and the filth and are turning into a beacon for those who feel there is no hope. By the end of this year, Grawood will be a home where girls who are pregnant can come to make what will most likely be the most difficult choice of their young lives. Be a parent or be a birth mother. If they choose to be a parent, they will be equipped with the proper tools to raise their child. If they choose to place their child up for adoption, they will be guided down that path. Either way, Grawood will now take on a new role. A role that will glorify God with it's new roof, new paint and new renovations. Much like what happens to us after we accept the gift of salvation.

While we have no idea who will walk those halls and find hope again, we can know one thing for sure. We've all been like Grawood....We've all experienced what the hope we find in God can do. It can take a life or a building that is falling apart; turn it around and use us and it for His glory.

The Storms of Life

EARLY this morning, a storm blew through (and yes, Dori, I was on storm duty)....The wind was raging and it sounded as if the trees were going to come through the roof just over my bedroom....The thunder rolled, the wind howled and the rain came down in sheets. It was rough....For about fifteen minutes.

We all go through storms in life...Most of them last longer than fifteen minutes...Some are fifteen weeks, fifteen months or fifteen years; some are even longer. So why can't the storms of life move through our lives at fifty miles an hour? Because if we had fifteen minutes of storms, most of us wouldn't learn much, if anything. Storms strengthen us and educate us. They build character, but more importantly, they build dependence on God. Troubles rage, worries howl and we hold our breath and wait for them to blow over, but really we are cultivating our trust in God.

God is our Father. Although I have no experience at being a father, I have experience at being a mother and I know that I would never do anything to bring harm to my child. I discipline her because I love her. I allow the doctor to give her shots. Though those things are painful to her, it is for her own good. Well, how much more must God love me than I love Savannah? Infinite amounts more. So even though the storms of life rage around me, I have the most Divine Protector who is standing there holding the umbrella.

I've always said that God uses adversity to get our attention....Our free will determines whether or not He keeps it.

God Whispering In My Ear

"Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?" Casting Crowns is my FAVORITE band. I absolutely love them. Their songs grab my heart and turn it upside down, inside out and every which way but loose. Their songs speak to me as if it was God whispering in my ear. That's a pretty strong statement, but an honest one. Of all the songs that Casting Crowns sings, "Who Am I" seemed the most appropriate for my blog.


Why would the Maker of Heaven want to know anything about me? Why would He care to listen to me when I pray? Why would He even consider blessing me with such an amazing Christian family (I'm not referring to the DNA kind)? Those are a few of a million questions that I have and I'm sure I'm not the only one.


It all goes back to the God chose me....I didn't choose Him, at least not at first. I chose my way, my friends, my boyfriend, everything except Him. What amazes me every day is that He does care to know my name, He cares to know my hopes, dreams, successes, failures, hurts and how many hairs I have on my head....Keeping up with that is a full time job by itself because I lose enough hair to make a wig every day.


God knows my name, He feels my hurt, He holds all of my tears in His hand. In spite of the vast number of my imperfections, He still wants to be with me. He still loves me. Wow. Who am I that the Lord of ALL the earth would care to know my name? I am His child... An heir to His kingdom.

Wall Paper Borders and Temper Tantrums

It's remarkable the stupid things that infuriate me and when I say stupid, I am not kidding. "I WILL NOT let this defeat me!" I told Dori this morning. Seriously? I am in a war with wallpaper? Yep. I sure am. Wanna know how it is going? The wallpaper is winning. Care to know why? Because I am letting it. Sound stupid? It is.

It's all about an inanimate object gaining control over me...Something that will not matter in six months...Most likely Dori and I will be laughing about it by then, but right now, there is NOTHING funny about it. That's kind of like most of the things that get us stressed, mad, or wreck our days. There's nothing funny about it then, but in a few days or weeks, we laugh at how stupid it was or can't even remember what made us so angry.

There's a lesson there....One that I'm too slow to get because I keep repeating the same lesson over and over and over and well, you get the point. God is using wallpaper to show me something today. I'm getting angry about wallpaper not cooperating...Sounds very adult like doesn't it? Not really. It's God telling me, slow down, it will get done and you need to enjoy this. Enjoy putting wallpaper up? God has a sense of humor...I firmly believe that.

So why should I enjoy putting up wallpaper? I'm GLAD you asked.

Today, I'm going to be thankful that I have a bedroom in a home to decorate for a child that doctors said would never exist. A beautiful, bright, healthy and happy child. One who thinks the most awesome thing in the world is that her Mommy is making her room pretty by putting up a pink, fuchsia and lime green border around the top of the wall. The child I'd cried many tears over because she would never be here. So instead of treating wallpaper like a chore, I'm going to treat it like it's a blessing...While the wallpaper itself is not the blessing, the precious four year old who picked it out most certainly is.

Yesterday, I mentioned that God answered my prayers in His time and that the blessing was far greater than I had ever dreamed. Today He showed me that HE is greater than my wildest dreams. So if you're wondering, NO, the wallpaper will not defeat me. It will be done. Not today like I planned, maybe not tomorrow either, but it will be done. Instead, I'm going to sing a little song, say thank you for the blessing of Savannah and take my time....One day, I'll wish that I had this day back and the sweet little four year old so I could decorate a room to make her smile. Every day, in the smallest little ways, God shows us glimpses of Himself. Sometimes that glimpse is even in wallpaper paper borders and temper tantrums.

Happy Birthday, Chrisse!

People say that you have that once in a lifetime friendship....You all know the one...It's with the person that is your soul mate...She's the one that completes your thoughts, the one who knows what your thinking before you even say it....The one who reaches for the same book or card at the exact same moment you do....Your soul mate. I don't mean in marriage, I mean like in your family. Sometimes it's a cousin or aunt. If you're super lucky, it's a brother or sister. Sometimes it's not. Of all the friends I've had in my life, she's the one that is different. God sent her to me because he knew I needed her....He knew I'd been praying for her most of my life. He knew that she would make my life a better place. He also knew that I would love her as if she were my sister and He was right.

I've always wanted a sister...ALWAYS. When I was younger (9 or 10), I'd wonder what life would be like to have someone to tell all my secrets, share my clothes, discuss children, life, love, ups, downs, heartbreaks and successes. My own principal and cheerleader wrapped up in one. You know, fuss at me when I need it and realize that sometimes I just needed encouragement. The one who, sometimes, just sits there and listens because she knows that there are no words that can help....Things only a sister would know.

Today Chrissie turned 30...It's a milestone that she handled much better than I did, probably because when I was 30, I wasn't in church and if you'd have asked me then, I would have laughed at you and said, "Church is not for me." I'll save that for another blog some other time. Anyway. She has handled this milestone with grace and thanksgiving. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful, honored and privileged I feel to be counted as her friend. She is in the top three of my all time blessings (with Savannah and Dori being the other two). I've always wondered at various points in my Christian walk, why God was doing something that He did, but I will never question why He did this. He answered my prayers from WAAAAAYYY back. He gave me the sister I have always wanted and prayed for....Not in the DNA kind of way, but in a "Wow, God is so cool and she was worth the wait kind of way." My unbiological sister.

Today I thanked Him a million times. Every time we laughed, every time we almost cried, every time we reached for something at the same exact moment (and it happened a lot today), every time I looked into her eyes...I thanked Him....She and I talked about in God's timing today...Yeah, let me tell you about God's timing...I finally got my sister that I've prayed for all these years...IN HIS TIMING! Thank you so much, my Heavenly Father, for the blessing I NEVER thought would come and for the blessing that was greater than my most wonderful dreams!

Happy Birthday Chrissie Lynne!!! I can't wait to see what we have to blog about when you turn 40!!!

I can't save the world, but I wish I could.

I can't save the world....I know that, but it sure hurts my feelings when I am reminded of it. I received my Brookwood Weekly Newsletter from Donny Lee this morning and at the end (as always) was the reminder of opportunities to serve. I've been fighting God for months about teaming up with Hub Ministries to volunteer the monthly church service for the homeless of our city. I always seem to have an excuse, there's always other plans or something "comes up." How convenient....Until today...Today I went to the Hub's website http://www.hubministries.com/ and was confronted by pictures...Pictures of the homeless worshipping God, being given Bible and homeless eating a meal of hot dogs...Hot dogs that I can get up right now and go make just because that's what I (or more importantly, Savannah) want. I have a cabinet, a refrigerator and freezer overfilled and overflowing with pizzas, hot dogs, steaks, milk, Pepsi, eggs, Shells and Cheese, green beans and the list goes on and on. But for the grace of God, there go I. Always an excuse...Why do I have such a heartache for these people? People whom society reasons are bums, drug addicts, criminals, alcoholics or all of the above. In order to make ourselves feel good, we convince ourselves that their circumstances are of their own making, but what if they aren't? Could it be a man loses his job and finds that he has no means to pay his rent? Perhaps her husband died and she has no way of keeping a roof over her children's head, not to mention her own. It's easy to sit up on our high horses and reason that these people made their own beds, but what if they had help? What if they didn't? That could be me....But for the grace of God.


Today I received my "Voice of the Martyrs" monthly magazine (http://www.persecution.com/). As I flipped the pages I came to the page of items to purchase. Staring back at me was a t-shirt that stated "I worship in a church. Thousands of Persecuted Christians worship in a prison." What a strong reminder as a Christian living in America how blessed I am...I can go to Brookwood Baptist Church three times a weekend and freely worship God with no worries of the Shreveport Police Department coming to arrest me, but there are people all over the world that can't....But for the grace of God....

As a Christian we are called to help our fellow man, but seriously, I can't go to Pakistan and organize mass prison breaks for imprisoned Christians. I can't build house after house to give to homeless people. I can't cure cancer and I can't stop wars. What can I do? I can pray and I can save the world ONE person at a time as God presents me with the opportunity. So what does that mean? Everyone knows that I do not have unlimited resources to donate to every cause that solicits money from me. So what do I do? Do I sponsor a child through World Vision? Do I buy and fill an Action Pack through Voice of the Martyrs? Do I get up off my lazy butt and go help the Hub Ministries?

My answer became clear as I wrote this blog, I stop fighting Him and do what God tells me...I just have to take off the "It's all about me and my comfort" blinders I have been wearing for so long. It is NOT all about me. It is about furthering God's kingdom one soul at a time. So, what are YOU doing to step out of YOUR comfort zone and to further GOD'S kingdom and not your own? I'm challenging you today....Get up and do something, volunteer with the Hub, write a check to World Vision, go fill an Action Pack and mail it to Voice of the Martyrs. When I'm standing before God, I want Him to recount what I did for HIM, not what I did for me...

God made you special and He loves you very much!

Ten simple words with an eternity of effect. I got the idea for the title from Emily's Facebook page, I got the idea for the topic from someone I love (who will not be named). God made each and everyone of us special. We were created in HIS image, that right there makes us special. The Creator of the universe created me in HIS image. Wow! That statement packs a powerful punch. I am an heir to Heaven. So why do I still feel unworthy? Why do YOU still feel so unworthy? If God chose us to be the heirs to His Kingdom and sent His Son to die for us, why do we feel so unworthy? Is it the way we were raised, is it a self esteem issue, some deep dark sin that we have in our past we don't want anyone to find out about or maybe it's all of the above? Do we deserve what God gave us? Of course not. Am I glad He did it? You bet I am!!! If God deems us worthy enough to sacrifice His Son, why don't we feel worthy? We are from a fallen, sinful world and the world says self is more important than anything. More important than our children, our jobs, our family, our spouse, our neighbors. God says otherwise. Perhaps we are trying to judge our worthiness by worldly standards and not Heavenly ones.

Dictionary.com defines worthy as "having adequate or great merit, character, or value." Isn't that what we as Christians strive for? To have a great character? To be Christ like? Well, if I'm striving to be Christ like, then I do have great character and value. Christ died because I had value to Him....I can't think of anything greater than He is to confirm my worth. It's not in what my parents said to me growing up, it's not what my friends say about me now and it's really not what I feel about myself now. Parents are human and make mistakes, friends are biased in one way or another and feelings are very deceptive. The Son of God died for me and if that doesn't make me worthy, than I have NO CLUE what will. That makes all of us worthy. Our salvation is a gift that we were given, because our Father looked at me and decided "Ashlee, YOU ARE WORTHY." He says that about you too.

Things I Have Learned

The following was a list I posted on my Facebook page. I thought it was worth repeating so people who aren't on Facebook could see what I have to say....I've also added a few more lines to it because there were only supposed to be 25 things.



1. My dad was wrong....You can't ALWAYS have what you want, no matter how much you want it.

2. There is NO ONE ANYWHERE IN THIS WORLD that will EVER come CLOSE to taking Dori Jones' place in my life!

3. Family doesn't necessarily mean you have a DNA connection.

4. There will always be someone out there that is smarter, a better mother, better cook or better friend.

5. Most of the self centered people I know do not have a relationship with God.

6. No matter how much I may plot and plan against someone who has wronged me, God can always get them better than I ever could.

7. A TRUE BEST FRIEND gathers her husband, brother and brother's friend to move you on an hour's notice and she'll also call you out in a not so nice way when you are messing up.

8. Having a child means your heart walks around outside of your body.

9. Not all fathers are dads and not all dads are fathers (Thank you, Jeff).

10. That I CAN make a decision without consulting my family and friends, but I CAN'T without consulting my Heavenly Father.

11. Nothing is better when you first wake up than a good, hot cup of coffee.

12. People come and go from your life and each and every one of them served a purpose or filled a need. Thank you to each and everyone of them.

13. You can pray and pray for someone or something and God will always hear your prayers, but He may not answer them the way you wanted or in the time frame you have set.

14. Perfectionism is a sin and it's destructive.

15. Not all people will accept responsibility for their actions and will continue blaming someone else or something else their whole lives....Those people will never find happiness until they acknowledge their situation is THEIR fault. After that, healing and restoration begins.

16. At some point in life, you have to stop blaming your adulthood on your childhood.

17. The best parenting advice I ever received was from listening to Mark Sutton's sermons and without him, I would still be clueless!

18. You can't hold a person's past against them when their has been a clear change in their present.

19. I never understood God's love until I had a child.

20. There will never be anyone who can replace my grandfather....EVER.

21. There will always be gossips and nosy people.

22. Happiness comes from a relationship with Christ, not a relationship with a person.

23. Negativity is all around and it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for me not to fall into that trap.

24. Not everyone is judgemental!

25. That God is my Father, my Friend and He FORGIVES ME (and you too) for EVERYTHING. We just have to ask.

26. To forgive someone (even if that person has never asked for it) is the most liberating thing you can do...Not only because it is required by God, but because it is the most freeing thing you can do for yourself.

27. One of the most wonderful relaxing things in the world is listening to good music!

28. There are many people who will call themselves your best friend, but there are very FEW that prove it.

29. God is amazing and wonderful and He loves ME!!!

30. When God starts the pruning process, it is so hard to see where it will leave you, but after having gone through it recently, I have received far more than I lost! God is so awesome!

31. I CAN make a difference. I can't save the world and I can't really try, but I can save one person at a time as God gives me the opportunity.

32. Complaining is a HARD habit to break.

33. I want to be fully consumed by God and I want the same for Savannah.

34. There are a handful of people that come through your life and turn it upside down....Some are good and some are not, but both teach you a lot about life and a lot about yourself.

35. Eventually, God answers prayers, not always the way I want them answered, but He does answer them....I think He just gets tired of listening to me and wants me to shut up...No comment needed Chrissie Lynne.


This is my first blog post, but I'm sure there will be more to come as time and having something to say dictate....Thank you and drive thru.